I have nothing against the French. I refer to my potato wedges as “French fries”, as opposed to “freedom fries” (as if we Americans really want the symbol of democracy to be associated with a lumpy spud). And while my personal experience with Parisians left much to be desired, I didn’t let it color my view of an entire nation that gave us such things as champagne, brie, and…um…Gerard Depardieu.
But the term “fiancé” just does not work for me. I simply cannot bring myself to articulate the expression.
Perhaps if you knew my “f%$nce” you would understand. On this broad shouldered, 6’-4”, tattooed, truck-loving, red-blooded American boy, the sophisticated frenchy term just feels disingenuous. It’s like referring to a hammer as a “duvet”. Plus, embedded in the gum-smacking, American accent “f&*nce” turns any phrase into the linguistic equivalent of Britney Spears and Peppy Le Pew’s love child.
So, as part as my search for new terms, I started by exploring baseball analogies (muy Americana) and considered the acronym for “Groom On Deck”. As you probably figured out, “G.O.D” is already taken, and while my guy would love to have the term applied in the bedroom, I think it would be extremely inappropriate in open and public conversations.
Next, I went to the obvious source of verbal inspiration: Rap music. And here is where I stumbled upon the term “Boo”.
For you shorties out there who don’t know, this is a word generally applied to a “boyfriend”. And I’m thinking….what IS, a f&*nce really? Basically he’s your date at your wedding, right! It’s your wedding day boo. Wedding boo. WeBoo. Weboo! Eureka!
Think it will stick? Should I make a formal suggestion to the Grand Commissioner of Alls Things Wedding, aka Martha?
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